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Rasta Gnawi
boston, ma Massachusetts USA
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old fiction
06:03:02 PM Sunday Sep 10, 2006

One of the benefits of cleaning up your computer is that you get to read old, really old texts. Stuff you wrote ages ago.

I thing I told you all about my computer hassles of the past few weeks. So, they're all behind me now (after hours of headaches and significant money investment.) I was finally putting all my files back together, until I came upon this folder: "Fiction"

Aah... I remember. I had grown tired of consuming so much Japanese anime and sci fi movies, not much great stuff had produced in a long time. I decide to write my own. So I put together this skelleton for a story that I would develop down the road. I never did revisit as it got burried under several folder layers.

I had a kick out of reading it today and thought I'd share it. I want to put it on myspace -by the way my nick their is ghadanfar (by the way 7 barakas if you guess what it means)-, but I would like some of your thoughts before I put it their.



Albert Einstein?s lost journals

In the journals are documented findings of world destruction. The other side of the world. Access to hell ? la Event Horizon

He is running away from authorities/secret agents who have got wind of his writings/findings and want to recover them

He is on a steam boat cruising from the US to Europe. France offers sanctuary for the beleaguered scientist

He notices agents on the deck looking for him. Puts his writings in a steel case and throws it in the deep ocean

The case makes its way through the dark depths. It descends slowly, swaying like an autumn leaf. It hits the bottom of the sea. A loud howling noise is heard as it slams against the sand. A cloud of sand forms. Dust settles. Voices are heard. ?He?s put himself in danger. We can?t save him. He swore to give his life to protect the secret. Let?s make the final arrangements.?

Centuries later. Technology has advanced. We can travel at high speed and plunge deeper than ever thought. Two treasure seekers are in Greece. The bottom fisher in a traditional suit rated for 5000 ft underground. Is this the location shown in the satellite feed? It?s dark here, and light can?t penetrate the dense salty water.

A stranger arrives. Hiring. Looking for treasure. A castle underground. Atlantis? Is this a joke? The reward is senseless. Keep it under the radar of authorities. Looks like the most fun job we?ve had in a while. We?ll take it.

Who are you?
Heir to the treasure
Why do you seek it? Probably not worth much if it?s from the 20th century
Unfinished family business.

Too mysterious. I don?t care. Need the money, and mostly need the thrill. No family, and since wife left with kids, not much left to hang on to.

Diving deep. It?s dark. Are you sure this is the place. At some depth it would be hard to correct position for accurate landing
I?m paying you to follow instructions.

Fine. Hmm? never felt this before, water at this depth is agitated. Almost like waves on the shore. Not possible. Water is dense. Light useless. Too much turbulence. Equipment might fail. Lift me up
Keep going down. Mission not finished. Keep going down
Too much turbulence. I can?t see anything.

We?ll dive down to your location. Put boat on auto-pilot and dynamic positioning
It will alert authorities
Use old NASA GPS system. No one pays attention to it anymore. Do as I say.

Two bodies plunge. Big splash. Use propellers to get down faster
We shouldn?t. Equipment can?t decompress that fast
Just do it
We?ll die
I see his light. Steer left.

All three bodies dive farther below. Disturbance increases. Too dense. I feel my limbs squeezed by pressure. I don?t feel water anymore. It feels like we?re up in the air and being thrown around by wind. The winds are spinning us in all directions. I can get a glimpse of light every now and then from one my other comrades.

I feel as if I am pulled to the bottom of the sea. I remember now. There was a falcon like statue on the boat. Never seen it before. It was black. Looked like a human but had wings and a falcon head. It was graceful. Its wings were wrapped around it like a cape. I could swear I could see it move its head. The others thought I was hallucinating.

Now I am really hallucinating. I feel like I am falling from a roof top. Nothing beneath me. I am free falling to the ground. I can see the others. We?ll slam against the ground.

Where are we? There is no water. I can feel the dry sand under my feet. We recollect. I see an old wall. It?s tall with vine covering most of it. We go in through a small opening. I hear the water flowing in a fountain. So serene. There is silence. We?re in a courtyard. There are stairs in four directions. I see a steel case on top of a set of stairs. It?s black and looks sturdy.

The boss runs to the case. The sky turns dark. Vultures come out. Something inside me whispers to stop him. I scream ?No.?

Too late. The case is open. Pieces of paper in his hands. He reads and laughs, reads on and on and on. Laughter gets louder. We must go. Something is wrong with him. I can hear screams from atop. Women, children, men, old folk, screaming in pain and agony.

I try to pull him out. He?s possessed. We run outside the wall, a huge wave is coming our way, as if the ocean is falling down on us. I get my diving gear. Pressurize. Thousands of tones of water crash on me. Must make it to the surface. Propellers still can take me half way. I paddle the other half. I can feel the water getting lighter. I can see the surface. A little dark. We must have been there for a long time.

I pierce my head through the surface. I see smoke all over. Thousands of war ship and war planes all over. Everyone shooting at everyone. Chaos reigns. The water is red. Crimson everywhere.

I see great black falcon spreads its wings in the sky. Comes in my direction. I run away but it grabs me with big claws. It?s diving down at very high speed. We?re down in the courtyard again. Boss still reads. There is blood coming from his eyes and ears. He is suspended in the air. Light is emanating from the door in front of him. The voices of agony are coming from the door, as if it?s a portal to hell. The falcon takes boss and flies inside the door.

The portal closes. I walk to the case. Fight temptation. Close it. Two creatures move in my direction. He will protect it. Too much light. I open my eyes. I am now flying over the ocean, spreading my wings over a calm sea.

The content of this page —graphics, text and other elements—is © Copyright 2007 prospective author, and Raioo, Inc., only when stated otherwise, and may not be reprinted or retransmitted in whole or in part without the expressed written consent of the publisher.

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6:08 pm    October 15, 2006

hudhud message
cool story dude! i can see this as a graphic novel, great story lines and action-packed scenes! maybe Adnane could do the illustrations, that would be coool :-))

9:51 am    September 28, 2006
this is real good i'm telling you. i can't sit still and read a story through but i did it with this one. great narration and you keep the reader always wanting to read more and imagining what's happening with your description. please post more if you have them.
great job

9:50 am    September 28, 2006
this is real good i'm telling you. i can't sit still and read a story through but i did it with this one. great narration and you keep the reader always wanting to read more and imagining what's happening with your description. please post more if you have them.
great job

9:14 pm    September 11, 2006

Adnane Ben. message
This is good stuff. Top style of narration. Almost equivalent to stop motion filming style. You read and it feels as if a stroboscope is going at it from every direction. I think if it gets cleaned up it might lose its sharp edge. I like it as is. The tense scenes twards the end remind of violent japanese animations.

Rasta Gnawi's notes (63)
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