I look at this as four axis in my life that I have to balance. Or not? maybe balance is not the thing to do these days. Maybe some axis should be much more important than others. For me these are, the Ethical axe, cultural axe and spiritual axe and Professional axe.
Ethically, and putting all what is literally ethical aside, I've come to conclude what is ethical to me now is that I belong near my parents as they age and I age. It came to me with a strong fist through observation and pondering. Besides seeing their kids successful, I've come to realize they also wish we were closer to them, and therefore closer to each other in constrast with being scattered. I've seen my 80+ aunt cared for every minute by her 50+ single daughter because that's all she has. I've seen my dad shed tears and whimper when he came back from Hajj this year the minute he saw his kids waiting for him at the airport. Recently I've seen many things like that.
Culturally, I cannot run from my Moroccana. I embrace my Moroccana. I want my kids to have Moroccana. I will have an authentic Moroccan life in Morocco, and a superficial Moroccan life in America.
Spiritually, I can belong and I am supposed to belong anywhere.
Professionally, I believe I can thrive anywhere. So of all these four axis, the ethical axe hurts me the most. My question to myself is how valuable is that axe. Can it be quantified, qualified. That should decide in theory where I should be next. I know for sure that instinctly, the ethical axe is dramatically the most valuable to me, and I know I am not on it now, which hurts me everyday. It makes the other axis tangle and conflict.
So I realize with pain and hurting that of all the Axis in my Life, I am not on the one I should be on. I am not taking advantage of riding that Axe.
My brother and his wife just had wonderful peaceful twin babies, and they named the boy after my dad. Tayeb ~ with shaddad on the T. I thought it was a beautiful name that suits the baby boy's serene and calm looks. He takes after my brother and has the strong, bold and sweet looks of our dad.
That reminded me of how much each of us has so much love for their parents, and how each of us expresses that love.
Allah yahdina oukhlass.