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ROMANCE
Adnane Ben.
Boston USA
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8
comments.
Navigating post-divorce
10:25:01 PM Friday May 11, 2007


He's Moroccan and was married to a first generation American Columbian. He has a 4 year old kid. Recently he got divorced due to claims that his partner was unfaithful. His ex-wife has the custody now.

They both live in the same city (doesn't always help). He sees his kid weekly. His ex-wife has a boyfriend, and this is driving him NUTS! I keep telling him to ignore this fact and move on. Recently his kid mentioned to him that the boyfriend hit him.. now this fired up all kinds of emotions inside of him. Although I keep telling him that he might not have hit his kid as in HIT.. but maybe just playfully tapped his head or something along these lines.. but he just can't picture it any other way than the boyfriend must have abused his kid. You can imagine the drama going on in his head right now.

He got into an argument with his ex-wife about that. She is threatening she would get a restraining order. She threatened him that her boyfriend is into martial arts and would kick his butt. Now this is all unnecessary developments in my opinion. I believe the kid is starting to get traumatized and is feeling the stress of divorce. He hates the new boyfriend replacing his father since he sees him with his mother.. and as a result he exagerrates every little thing to make his father upset about the boyfriend. I even think that the kid is smart enough to see that his dad hates the boyfriend, a common thread, and he uses that to get his dad's attention.

What do you think his father should do? how far can he go with his emotions before he can calm down and move on? I'm trying to help him out with wisdom and keep him from doing stupid things.


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11:37 am    July 3, 2007
Bakr
8
I think he should move on. we know that he is not going to forget about his ex wife and his son, unless he finds somebody else to love. I think he should look for nice cute Moroccan wife who is gonna take care of him and make him forget all these problems, otherwise he will end up in bad a way.
·

6:04 pm    May 25, 2007

Adnane Ben. message
7
6
Well, his whole situation, divorce and all other emotions are taking too much of a toll on him to handle. He plans to start therapy. I am not in his shoes, but I'm pretty sure it will help him. He is also expecting his car physician to prescribe short term depression drugs. I'm not sure about that, but if it helps him why not. He is in a bad shape right now (lost weight, etc).

Ewa all we can say Allah yshafih weyssahhel 3lik, we3la Mssalmin kamlin.

·

7:28 am    May 25, 2007

Zainab SR message
6
4
I think this whole thing about taking both adults to Morocco makes no sense. Maybe with his ex and his son and trying to work things out, but definitely not Rambo. Aww!!
I'd say, this whole thing about calling 9-1-1 when being hit is not as frequent as we think. I know of people who were battered but never dared make the call... So, it's probably better to investigate whether the kids' claims are true or not! Then go from there!
·

5:35 pm    May 23, 2007

hudhud message
5
4
wechnouuu LOL!
·

2:25 pm    May 23, 2007

abdelilah message
4
First of all, the Colombian blood flowing in her vain was somehow signaling a very hot chica (hot as in calientissima). The fact that she was American should have alerted him to the illegality of monopoly in US markets. Obviously the kid was not "HIT" because if it were the case he would have called 911 way before his mom did and the father knew. The Colombian chick mentioning that her boyfriend is a martial arts pro signals the reason why she left him: not strong enough. A hint to replace the sheesha with the Moroccan losers in some Palestinian cafe with the GYM. Well, the father can either go out with the Colombian best girlfriend or "offer" a paid vacation to Morocco to the mother, the kid and the boyfriend. Once there in leblaad lehbiba, where passports get easily "Lost" , he can regain His tameghrabit easily and the colombian, smart as she is and eager to maintain her status, would ditch her Rambo. Now, the trick is to get Rambo to go Moroccan.
·

1:16 am    May 23, 2007

hudhud message
3
so sad and so tough.. I would definitely investigate the child's claims (even though yes it's possible he may be exaggerating or trying to manipulate his father's feelings - children are experts at psychology..) and yet still the father should take it seriously and ask the case worker to look into the matter, and even if the bf "hit" the child just once, and even if it did not reach the level of abuse or bodily injury, it's still wrong, carries the potential for psychological harm, and the chance that this little "hit" now could turn into more painful incidents later. I would talk to my lawyer. maybe there's a way he could have the judge re-evaluate custody of the child..

then again, easy for us to talk when we are not in this man's shoes and cannot fully relate to his pain. nor do we know why he was not granted custody of his son in the first place..

Allah yaouen. def stay calm. prayers and supportive family and friends make a big difference, it helps a lot.

·

1:31 pm    May 21, 2007

Adnane Ben. message
2
1
Yeah, I think he's struggling with that lose-lose situation. Sometimes he thinks of giving everything up, pack, leave and forget. But I know he is less likely to go to that extreme. I suggested to him to probably pack to a different state or city, at least to avoid knowing what his ex-wife is up to all the time on the relationships department. It might be good for him that way to start a new life somewhere else and know new people. He can still see his son.

I told him he could probably ask the day-case establishment to be more alert to his son's behaviour and even inquire about abuse signs. I heard this is one of the first steps parents take before calling a lawyer.

·

9:18 am    May 21, 2007

Zainab SR message
1
Let's just say that we have a famous saying in Morocco that states: "Tghedda bih 9bel mayt3esha bik". Have them for lunch before they have you for dinner.
I think the guy should reason with his son. In many cases children would actually choose to lie to ease the tension rather than cause more of it between their divorced parents. My advice would be (depending on his son's age) to figure out if the guy really hit his son. Then, if it is proven that it happened, he should talk to a lawyer. The child can then say what happened, and he might be able to sort things out. His jealousy should not come in the way as he will overreact and God knows what the boyfriend is capable of. Either way, if he knows he can't solve things diplomatically, this is his best resort otherwise it's a lose-lose situation!
·

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